Release Your Subjects

We often imagine ourselves as the centre of the world.

We do not say it that directly, but we live as if other people are
part of our kingdom. They must understand us, respond to us, agree with
us, serve our timing, meet our expectations and play the roles we have
quietly assigned to them.

This is not leadership.

It is possession.

Other people are not our subjects.

They have their own fears, callings, responsibilities, histories,
hopes and work to do. They are not characters in the story of our
importance.

The need to control

Control often disguises itself as care.

We tell ourselves that we know what is best. We interfere because we
want things to go well. We hold people close because we do not want to
lose them. We give advice because we want to help.

Sometimes that is true.

But sometimes we are simply afraid.

We are afraid that if people are free, they will choose differently.
We are afraid that if they grow, they may no longer need us in the same
way. We are afraid that if they make their own mistakes, we will have to
watch without controlling the outcome.

This is why releasing people is so difficult.

It requires trust.

Benevolent control is still
control

There is a tempting idea that we can be benevolent dictators.

We will control things, but kindly.

We will decide for others, but for their own good.

We will hold authority, but gently.

This may work for a moment, but it does not create maturity. People
become strong by carrying responsibility, making decisions, learning
consequences and discovering their own capacity.

If we never release them, we keep them small.

We may also keep ourselves small, because our identity becomes tied
to being needed.

Let people live

To release your subjects is to let people live their lives.

It means allowing others to disagree without treating disagreement as
rebellion.

It means allowing people to choose a different path without
interpreting it as rejection.

It means allowing capable people to carry work without standing over
them.

It means allowing those you love to grow beyond the version of them
that was most convenient to you.

This is not indifference.

It is respect.

Leadership without ownership

Good leadership does not own people.

It creates conditions in which people can become more capable, more
responsible and more fully themselves.

The leader gives direction, standards, encouragement and correction.
But the leader must also release.

A parent must release a child.

A manager must release a team member.

A mentor must release a mentee.

A founder must release parts of the business to people who can carry
them.

Without release, development becomes dependency.

The quiet test

Ask yourself:

• Who do I expect to serve my emotional needs?
• Who am I not allowing to grow?
• Where do I confuse care with control?
• Where do I need to step back so someone else can step forward?
• Who must I release completely?

These are uncomfortable questions.

They are also liberating.

Give them the day off

Maybe it is time to give your subjects a day off.

Maybe it is time to stop ruling over every expectation, every
disappointment, every relationship and every outcome.

Maybe it is time to let people be people.

The strange truth is that when you release others, you also release
yourself.

You no longer have to manage a kingdom that was never yours.

You can return to the only life you are truly responsible for:

your own.